BlackBridge the Magnificent!
When BlackBridge the Magnificent imbibes the mystical Seattle Java blend,
he becomes prophetic, and his brain wanders forward through time.
In this state, he sees things that have yet to come, and intones them
so that we may write them down and code 'em up into HTML. Or something.
Here are some of his devastatingly clear and accurate predictions for the
- It will be announced that, at 300Mb/sec, the new V153 protocol is near the theoretical limit
of what can be transmitted down a common copper phone line.
- This standard is not widely adopted, almost immediately being made obsolete by
the new V153bis standard, which is a bit faster. And is near the theoretical...
oh you know the rest.
- The number of browsers and operating systems will contine to shrink,
until, in 2023, the Microsoft corporation reaches the critical size where it is
vulnerable to a maverick
autocephalic lawsuit from within its corporate self.
Microsoft succumbs to razor-honed attacks from its own lawyers,
and the number of operating systems and web clients slips from one to zero.
Microsoft's PR department scorns criticisms that its
action tends to deny users choice.
- The US department of Defense finally allows PDAs with "weapons-grade" colour
screens to be exported outside the US. But not to Cuba, just in case.
- The universality of Franchise in the USA is limited to those that can afford networked
java engined wristwatches from the casio corporation. By voting using these devices,
the so called "G-shockracy" can change bank rates, restructure the repayment schedules
on the national debt for a variety of countries, and even tell the time.
- Time zones will be elective. By setting their G-shocks to run at an
approriate timezone, digital citizens will form communities bound together by the hours
they keep. Thus, even in Manhattan, the "Rush hour" lasts all day.
Slugabeds running late mutter "I'm running West side time".
- After putting a java engine in every fridge, the Mitsui-Benz corporation
announces that as part of a partnership
deal with the Sikkorsky-Cola corporation, it now aims to put a fridge in
every java engine. Not to be outdone, Sun Microsystems-Pepsi-Costco announce
an incursion to the top end of the market having signed Cartier
to make their new machines.
They announce this with a new corporate slogan "The Necklace is the Computer".
- European 240V power supplies with twice the voltage of standard American
supplies become fashionable in the most exclusive apartments in major American cities.
So called "power powering", although taking up some 40 pages of that month's Wired,
fails to take off for the majority of American
households. Objections sited include "fatal electric shocks", "smell of burning", and,
most tellingly, "don't trust new technology".
Demographics companies change their unit of measure from the "household" to the
The security of retina prints to verify e-cash transactions is compromised by
the discovery that many people keep a copy of their retina print in their filofaxes
so they can still make transactions when they have hangovers, eye injuries and so on.
- Mitsui-Infoseek announce a strategic partnership with Bertelsmann Online Inc,
the micromarketing corporation whose motto, "We know where you live", explains their
to infintely precise demographic data. As a result of this pairing, sales transactions
are simplified; Bertelsmann know what you want and where to deliver it, as well as how
much you're likely to swing for. They simply fedexp the goods you'd probably buy and
debit your bank account by what you're worth. In this way, the time and resource-costly
human component of
shopping transactions is completely removed. Freeing time for us all to do other stuff.
Like fly bipanes.
Back to Ric's Brain.